Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Missive To A Customer #2

Dear Ma'am,

Thank you for visiting our store today. We appreciate your patronage. Really, you could have stayed at home and bought books off of the dreaded Amazon, but you didn't, so thank you.

We know you had a pleasant visit, because we've watched you. We greeted you when you came in and offered assistance. We helped you find that regional book you were looking for and that thriller for your husband. Really, if we can say so without sounding braggadocios, we were pretty on point.

So imagine my befuddlement when you stormed up to my register to complain about how utterly "rude" two of my coworkers were being.
First, I don't know what you expect me to do about it. I'm not a manager. Actually, one of the people you were complaining about was the manager on duty (MOD, as we say). All I can do is apologize, but it's not like I'm going to pass it on to my boss or anything.

You know why?

Yeah, you know why, because you told me.

You were mad that the two employees didn't stop what they were doing to go make your husband a coffee. Granted, our cafe is supposed to remain open to serve coffee. I got that. But let's examine the situation a bit further, shall we?

What were the two employees in question doing, ma'am? Were they joking around? Gossiping instead of working? Throwing books at you? No? Then tell me what they're doing.

They're on their knees, scraping chunks of neon orange kiddie barf out of the carpet.

You want them to stop cleaning a noxious biological substance to make your husband coffee? SERIOUSLY?! Poor hubby-wubby can't wait, like, three minutes to get his shot of Joe? And what person in their right mind wants their coffee made by a minimum-wage barista with unidentified orange splatters and half-digested pasta noodles sticking to their rubber gloves?

Yuck.

So I'll smile apologetically and murmur something about being sorry about your experience, but I really just want you out of my store. Feel free to come back, but with a better attitude, please. We have enough nastiness polluting our store (the poor carpet!) without help from you.

Sincerely,

Shelver506

Go ahead. Add your own customer service horror stories. You know you want to. :)