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| In memoriam |
Let's go back in time to 2011 when the bankruptcy was announced. Remember the chaos, the horror, the grief? Moans over the end of traditional publishing, over books, over reading, over LIFE AS WE KNOW IT(!!) reached a fever pitch. Because if Borders, that noble box-store chain, could close, who would be next?
Readers clutched their hardcover darlings to their chests and eyed the remaining stores fearfully. Would Barnes & Noble be next? Books-A-Million? WOULD AMAZON SEIZE THE ONE RING AND RULE THEM ALL?!
Well, that's what most people remember. (And in case anyone was wondering, Amazon did not turn into Sauron and squash competition with an iron fist. We're still here!) I remember one thing from the Borders incident: The List. More specifically, I remember "Things We Never Told You: Ode to a Bookstore Death."
You remember the list, right? Employees at some unidentified Borders store had used the freedom provided by the impending shutdown to write their manifesto, a list of all those things they wished they could've told their customers. (I'd have told them to just get a blog, but whatever.)
When this list first appeared, I didn't have a blog. I couldn't really comment on its accuracy. (Well, its accuracy for me - I'm sure it was accurate for them.) But tada! I have a blog now! More importantly, I have a blog about being a bookshelver just like those poor Borders employees. So I thought that, in honor of the dearly departed Borders, I would go through each point and tell you my take.
1. We hate when a book becomes popular simply because it was turned into a movie.
Umm... No, not so much. I can see how it would be frustrating to see a book's popularity rise and fall based on the movie (John Carter, anyone?), but I'll cheer on anything if it'll get people reading. I LOVED seeing our Hunger Games display get picked over every week by eager fans, and I'm over the moon at the attention The Hobbit is already getting. I'll take the popularity for as long as I can get it. [Oh snap. I forgot I even wrote a post about this. I'm so far ahead of myself, it's awesome!]
2. It confused us when we were asked where the non-fiction section was.
Hee-hee. Thankfully, no one's asked me this yet, but I can definitely see it happening. Everything that isn't made up is non-fiction, people. That includes history, social science, poli-sci, cooking, sports, family, etc., etc. In other words, at least half the store. Mayhap you should narrow it down a bit?
3. Nicholas Sparks is not a good writer... if you like him, fine, but facts are facts.
Maybe this is where the bitterness from #1 comes from? I personally have no opinion on this one. I've never read a Sparks book and never plan to. Replace "Nicholas Sparks" with "Stephanie Meyer," though... (Oh yes. I went there.)
4. We greatly dislike the phrase "Quick question." It's never true. And everyone seems to have one.
Most of my customers imply that a question is quick rather than say it out loud, but I understand where the Borders employees were going with this one. It's your right as the customer to ask us questions. It's what we're there for. But for Gumby's sake, spit it out! I've got things to do, lady, and odds are you caught me on my way up front to help someone else, so keep it short and sweet. Just get to the point and then shut up so I can do what you need me to do. And, sir, I'm flattered (and somewhat creeped out) by your desire to flirt with me, but you're causing quite a line behind you. Please step aside.
5. Your summer reading list was our summer reading NIGHTMARE. Also, it's called summer reading, not "three days before school starts" reading.
Aaaaaamen! Can I get a Hallelujah up in here! I've already written about how to find a book, and point numero uno was DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. Don't do it. Just don't. Get your act together, don't procrastinate. You're passing down a generational curse via observed behavior to your children. Don't doom your children. Also, Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None should be savored, not scarfed, so there's that as well.
6. It's true we lean to the left and think Glenn Beck is an idiot.
Oookay. I personally have no opinion on Mr. Beck. I have a feeling this "fact" is based more on the Borders store's geographical location than anything else. As I've stated before, my own store has a happy mix of employees of all different political persuasions - persuasions that we tend to keep to ourselves. I fail to see how this particular "confession" relates to being a bookshelver at all.
7. We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes & Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy.
Nauseatingly, in my experience, our customers are not exactly bashful when it comes to their reading tastes. And Better Homes & Gardens is pretty popular in its own right in our area.
8. Most of the time when you returned books[,] you read them already - and we were on to you.
Yeah, this one's true. Some customers have legitimate returns, of course. Others had the bad habit of using our store as a library, which is VERY uncool. One customer even was banned from returning anything at our store ever again.
9. Limit One Coupon did not mean one for every member of your family - and we did know what coupons were out.
This is going to sound bad, but I didn't really care. I'm sure my manager cared, but I didn't. I get paid minimum wage, so I get how tight money can be. The only time I ever minded with coupons was when a family going one at a time lengthened the line. And really, some kids DO buy their own books with their own money, so why shouldn't they get to use their own coupons? Also, I never knew what coupons were out. We only had to check the expiration date.
10. It NEVER bothered us when you threatened to shop at Barnes & Noble. We'd rather you do if you're putting up a stink.
Yes. Yes! This was Tip #6 in the how-to post that I mentioned a few lines ago. Go away. If you're really so fed up, then we'd rather you go off and find a place that makes you happy. And if you're just being a bully and threatening us, then the $20 you plan to spend just isn't worth the hassle.
11. "I was just here last week and saw this book there" means nothing to us. The store changed once a week.
I know it makes sense to you, but you have to understand that it means NOTHING to me. First of all, books sell out. If you can't expect those killer pair of shoes to still be at Payless after a week, how can you expect us to still have that bestseller in stock in the same time frame? People will come after you and buy it! Also, even if they're still in the store, books move. New, shiny stories take the prime real estate and the older books move to different sections. Heck, sometimes even the sections themselves move! I came in one week and our "urban" (read: Afram) section had moved to the other side of the store!
12. When you walked in and immediately said "I'm looking for a book," what you really mean to say is "I would like YOU to find me a book." You never looked. It's fine, that's our job - but let's be correct about what's really happening here.
Meh. Semantics. The customers in question may have actually looked for the book in question at other stores. This sounds more like a gripe from a cranky, weary, soon-to-be-unemployed shelver.
13. If you don't know the author, title, or genre, but you DO know the color of the cover, we don't either. How it was our fault we couldn't find it we'll never understand.
Preach it! Preach iiiiiiit! Seriously, go read my post about finding a book. Just go. I'm a visual person so I can understand how when faced with such a lack of knowledge, the customer will instinctively try to describe the book, but really? Telling me that it has a green cover does nothing. What am I supposed to say? "Yes, sir, we keep all of our green books right over here. They're arranged by hue, from mint green to hunter green. Did you bring the corresponding Pantone chip?"
14. We were never a daycare. Letting your children run free and destroy our kids section destroyed a piece of our souls.
This is something else I've written about. Hellion children are a particular pet peeve of mine, I think because I was raised by awesome parents who NEVER let us get away with the things these kids get away with. Here's the thing - destroying property IS NOT OKAY. If you wouldn't want your kid graffitiing a wall or trashing your boss's home, then it's not okay to let him run loose in our store. When your kid damages something in our store, it costs us money - money, I might add, that indirectly comes out of our paychecks by siphoning from the budget.
15. Oprah was not "the final say" on what is awesome. We really didn't care what was on her show or what her latest book club book was. Really.
I read YA lit. Oprah likes biographies and memoirs and gritty fiction that supposed to touch your innermost soul and make you feel all philosophical and jazz. So yes, her books aren't really my cup of tea. But whatever floats your boat.
16. When you returned your SAT books, we knew you used them. We thought it wasn't fair - seeing as we're not a library.
This one's just a rehash of #8.
Next week, I plan to air a few confessions of my own. Until then, please add your own take on the Borders employees' confessional. Borders, fare thee well.
1. We hate when a book becomes popular simply because it was turned into a movie.
Umm... No, not so much. I can see how it would be frustrating to see a book's popularity rise and fall based on the movie (John Carter, anyone?), but I'll cheer on anything if it'll get people reading. I LOVED seeing our Hunger Games display get picked over every week by eager fans, and I'm over the moon at the attention The Hobbit is already getting. I'll take the popularity for as long as I can get it. [Oh snap. I forgot I even wrote a post about this. I'm so far ahead of myself, it's awesome!]
2. It confused us when we were asked where the non-fiction section was.
Hee-hee. Thankfully, no one's asked me this yet, but I can definitely see it happening. Everything that isn't made up is non-fiction, people. That includes history, social science, poli-sci, cooking, sports, family, etc., etc. In other words, at least half the store. Mayhap you should narrow it down a bit?
3. Nicholas Sparks is not a good writer... if you like him, fine, but facts are facts.
Maybe this is where the bitterness from #1 comes from? I personally have no opinion on this one. I've never read a Sparks book and never plan to. Replace "Nicholas Sparks" with "Stephanie Meyer," though... (Oh yes. I went there.)
4. We greatly dislike the phrase "Quick question." It's never true. And everyone seems to have one.
Most of my customers imply that a question is quick rather than say it out loud, but I understand where the Borders employees were going with this one. It's your right as the customer to ask us questions. It's what we're there for. But for Gumby's sake, spit it out! I've got things to do, lady, and odds are you caught me on my way up front to help someone else, so keep it short and sweet. Just get to the point and then shut up so I can do what you need me to do. And, sir, I'm flattered (and somewhat creeped out) by your desire to flirt with me, but you're causing quite a line behind you. Please step aside.
5. Your summer reading list was our summer reading NIGHTMARE. Also, it's called summer reading, not "three days before school starts" reading.
Aaaaaamen! Can I get a Hallelujah up in here! I've already written about how to find a book, and point numero uno was DO NOT PROCRASTINATE. Don't do it. Just don't. Get your act together, don't procrastinate. You're passing down a generational curse via observed behavior to your children. Don't doom your children. Also, Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None should be savored, not scarfed, so there's that as well.
Oookay. I personally have no opinion on Mr. Beck. I have a feeling this "fact" is based more on the Borders store's geographical location than anything else. As I've stated before, my own store has a happy mix of employees of all different political persuasions - persuasions that we tend to keep to ourselves. I fail to see how this particular "confession" relates to being a bookshelver at all.
7. We always knew when you were intently reading Better Homes & Gardens, it was really a hidden Playboy.
Nauseatingly, in my experience, our customers are not exactly bashful when it comes to their reading tastes. And Better Homes & Gardens is pretty popular in its own right in our area.
8. Most of the time when you returned books[,] you read them already - and we were on to you.
Yeah, this one's true. Some customers have legitimate returns, of course. Others had the bad habit of using our store as a library, which is VERY uncool. One customer even was banned from returning anything at our store ever again.
9. Limit One Coupon did not mean one for every member of your family - and we did know what coupons were out.
This is going to sound bad, but I didn't really care. I'm sure my manager cared, but I didn't. I get paid minimum wage, so I get how tight money can be. The only time I ever minded with coupons was when a family going one at a time lengthened the line. And really, some kids DO buy their own books with their own money, so why shouldn't they get to use their own coupons? Also, I never knew what coupons were out. We only had to check the expiration date.
10. It NEVER bothered us when you threatened to shop at Barnes & Noble. We'd rather you do if you're putting up a stink.
Yes. Yes! This was Tip #6 in the how-to post that I mentioned a few lines ago. Go away. If you're really so fed up, then we'd rather you go off and find a place that makes you happy. And if you're just being a bully and threatening us, then the $20 you plan to spend just isn't worth the hassle.
11. "I was just here last week and saw this book there" means nothing to us. The store changed once a week.
I know it makes sense to you, but you have to understand that it means NOTHING to me. First of all, books sell out. If you can't expect those killer pair of shoes to still be at Payless after a week, how can you expect us to still have that bestseller in stock in the same time frame? People will come after you and buy it! Also, even if they're still in the store, books move. New, shiny stories take the prime real estate and the older books move to different sections. Heck, sometimes even the sections themselves move! I came in one week and our "urban" (read: Afram) section had moved to the other side of the store!
12. When you walked in and immediately said "I'm looking for a book," what you really mean to say is "I would like YOU to find me a book." You never looked. It's fine, that's our job - but let's be correct about what's really happening here.
Meh. Semantics. The customers in question may have actually looked for the book in question at other stores. This sounds more like a gripe from a cranky, weary, soon-to-be-unemployed shelver.
13. If you don't know the author, title, or genre, but you DO know the color of the cover, we don't either. How it was our fault we couldn't find it we'll never understand.
Preach it! Preach iiiiiiit! Seriously, go read my post about finding a book. Just go. I'm a visual person so I can understand how when faced with such a lack of knowledge, the customer will instinctively try to describe the book, but really? Telling me that it has a green cover does nothing. What am I supposed to say? "Yes, sir, we keep all of our green books right over here. They're arranged by hue, from mint green to hunter green. Did you bring the corresponding Pantone chip?"
14. We were never a daycare. Letting your children run free and destroy our kids section destroyed a piece of our souls.
This is something else I've written about. Hellion children are a particular pet peeve of mine, I think because I was raised by awesome parents who NEVER let us get away with the things these kids get away with. Here's the thing - destroying property IS NOT OKAY. If you wouldn't want your kid graffitiing a wall or trashing your boss's home, then it's not okay to let him run loose in our store. When your kid damages something in our store, it costs us money - money, I might add, that indirectly comes out of our paychecks by siphoning from the budget.
I read YA lit. Oprah likes biographies and memoirs and gritty fiction that supposed to touch your innermost soul and make you feel all philosophical and jazz. So yes, her books aren't really my cup of tea. But whatever floats your boat.
16. When you returned your SAT books, we knew you used them. We thought it wasn't fair - seeing as we're not a library.
This one's just a rehash of #8.
~~*~~
Next week, I plan to air a few confessions of my own. Until then, please add your own take on the Borders employees' confessional. Borders, fare thee well.
I miss borders so much all I have left where I live is Barnes and Noble and yeah it is pretty big (compared to my small borders) but some how has a horrible selection! I loved sifting through Borders bargain section It was my heaven! B&N has only bios and coffee table books on sale at all times!
ReplyDeleteNo indie bookstores? They're usually pretty good, if a bit more expensive. To be honest, I never really went to Borders when they were open. We have two other bookstore box chains in our area, and I preferred both of them to Borders.
DeleteI liked this. :)
ReplyDelete3.Nicholas Sparks is on the same level writing wise as Stephie Meyer. Stick to your plan to stay away, it will keep you from mourning the wasted hours.
14.I have had to leave bookstores before to get my own kids away from the Hellions, who not only destroy things, but are mean and abusive to other kids, even when I am sitting right there.
I wasn't too upset when Borders closed down. We have a B&N, a BAM, and an indie store so it was no great loss here. I felt bad for people who lived in places where it was the only option.
Yeah. I can't even imagine losing my ONLY bookstore option.
DeleteThis post was so much fun to read! I was obsessed with borders, and was completely shocked when it shut down! I totally wished I worked in a bookstore, that much be the best job ever!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Shae! And working in a bookstore is definitely... interesting. If you'd like to know more, go to the tagged terms in my side bar and click "work."
DeleteHOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS LIST BEFORE? We're a second-hand bookshop in the UK, but a lot of them still apply. For example, although I don't mind books taking off when a movie's out - it's quite heartening, really - I DO hate it when a classic is adapted and people wander in saying things like "Have you got that Wuthering thing? By one of them Bront-y sisters?" Really, dudes? REALLY?
ReplyDeleteI get asked ALL THE TIME where the non-fiction section is. Or, alternatively, 'the true stories' (this usually, I have deduced, means 'misery memoirs'). Also agree about the summer reading - we get so many people having a go at us come September when their little darling hasn't bought a copy of 'Of Mice and Men' yet and has a report due in two days. I have to explain that we get several requests a week when a reading list comes out, and any copies we DO have will have sold in the first week of the hols. It's usually obvious in these instances that investing a couple of extra quid in their kid's education and buying a new copy down the road hasn't occurred to them...
Oh, and AMEN to the kid thing. Little girls climbing the bookshelves, little boys trying to steal things, books thrown on the floor, jumped on, fixtures damaged, old ladies ploughed over by running brats, spines torn off 18th century classics, whole shelves full of books dumped on the floor, 'can I just leave them with you while I go to the cash machine?'... The list goes on. My mother would have KILLED me if I'd done something like that. Also, walking in with eight rowdy kids and letting them split up so you can't keep an eye on them is not okay. If you can't, I can't either. If I didn't think we'd get complaints I'd totally put up one of those 'unattended children will receive a free espresso and a puppy' signs...
Okay, well, I think that's my inner Bernard Black thoroughly appeased for one day; I'll go back to being the nice calm non-growling lady behind the bookshop counter now. :D
I loved this entire comment!
DeleteRe: classics, I heard an apocryphal tale once about a customer coming in looking for "the book by that Mr. Darcy guy" and was convinced that Mr. Darcy was THE AUTHOR. Ugh.
Re: kids, I totally love that sign.
Feel free to drop by and growl any time you wish!
I have to agree with your take on the Borders list. (maybe especially the Stephenie Meyer bit...)
ReplyDeleteWe've had to ban a couple of families from bringing their kids to the library. It's really sad, considering that a library is kind of made for kids (at least, the children's section), but when they've ruined countless books, killed off several of our fish, destroyed furniture, and AKd a couple of computers, well...there really was no choice. We've just implemented our new unattended children policy, which is that if the kids remain by themselves for 15 minutes (read: dropped off at the library without parents), we call the police and the parents get to explain why they left their child alone. Librarian does not equal babysitter.
Also, THIS: "WOULD AMAZON SEIZE THE ONE RING AND RULE THEM ALL?!" New favorite quotation of the day. Maybe month.
Excellent post, my friend!
Thanks, Ems! I can't believe they killed your fish. That's just wrong. And I LOVE your new policy! Leaving young kids alone for too long IS a form of child endangerment.
DeleteHaha, you can use that quote any time you like. Any time I can tie LOTR into a post, I'm happy.
As a fellow bookshelver, I have to agree with you! My most asked question is "Where is the Well Being section?" after which I inwardly curse at the almost archaic shelving system at my store. Because you will never find a "Well Being" sign in my store. "Well Being" covers Self-Help, Diets&Weight loss, Nutrition, Parenting, Sexuality, Psychology, Alternative Medicine, the list goes on. /End rant.
ReplyDeleteOh and don't even get me started on kids in the kids section. I am not a babysitting service. These are books, treat them with respect. We even removed our Thomas train table because parents were literally dumping their kids there and leaving. Oh and we've had parents change dirty diapers on our pristine white gift wrap table. Shudder.
OK last thing, we had a mom call in asking if we did birthdays. We assured her that we DO NOT. She then came in with 15 kids, cake, snacks, gift bags, presents, etc, parked them all in our kids section and dragged all of our chairs from all around the store to her area. And then she claimed "oh, this isn't a birthday party" immediately after they had just finished singing happy birthday.
I apologize for the novel I just wrote you! Love your blog :)
Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! You're killing me here. I died right around the dirty diapers on the gift wrap table. Oh my gosh. And the birthday party! Holy cow.
DeleteNo, no, don't apologize. I LOVED your comment! Well, I don't love that it happened, but I loved reading about it. Oh wow.